yanation

(:

2005-05-14T23:32:00.000+08:00

have decided id stop blogging.

fare ye well.

i love rocks.

2005-05-14T11:17:00.000+08:00

it feels so weird to not feel much. everything's just such a constant. and it's so funny the last time im close to tears was when that mr sluttish refused to lemme redo my inclined.

so sweet you want to puke.

happy happy 17th. (:

2005-05-10T21:17:00.000+08:00

time spent with her's just so wonderously heavenly pure good. and she've not changed a bit. hahahaha. the eush factor. tsk tsk.

glanies are good for health. grab one today.

bello amor.

2005-05-09T20:33:00.000+08:00

today's fab. as is everyday la. but it's glanies ng kaili's birthday tomorrow!! woooots. so i went down vj to watch the soccer match between em and us, which wasnt my purpose at all la. like since when did me start watching soccer man. they put me to sleep. hence, it was solely to sing a birthday song for her with the cake and candles, usual style.

so pathetic i tell you. i hate the stupid bangawan solo at white sands. met up with fin to get a cake and it's so super limited and unappealing. anyhow, i bought the best i could. bought a packet of serviettes, dumped three quarts to fin to bring back home. bought a packet of like 20 lighters, dumped all into ed's bag to bring home. im so brilliant. for once, im so proud of myself for remembering all these minute crap.

anyhow anyhow, fin couldnt make it last min, and i had to go with ed. so we cabbed down and i asked him to disappear to do the candles so i could look for glan. and that cow didnt show up after like a million years. i called, apparently he didnt dare appear since i told him to hide. -.- thanks to me, i managed to get her to the canteen and tadah, sing the birthday song, make a wish, cut the cake and eat it. yayy. i love glan so.

oh and i saw my huggie pie after like a zillion years la. ((((: bern is still as huggable as ever. shucks. she'd always be my indisposable walking stuffed toy. missed her soooo. and bumped into many many many many people again. hee. i still think val and her friend's so adorable to cry over mj's losing the match. ahhh. i wished mew was there.

and id meet up with glan tomorrow for her birthday dinner. ayyye. and sheila jang as well, provided she's willing to skip that phil pringle's conference for us which aint very possible. she's so annoyingly busy, not making it for anything at all with us at the last minutes that i dont know who to blame. darn. never mind. in conclusion. i love glanies!! happy sweet seventeenth. heeeeeh.

i hoped you heard the coldness in my voice and feel my humongous disappointment. always cheat me. bah.

2005-05-08T23:26:00.000+08:00

the sun is shining everyday
and clouds never get in the way for you and me
i’ve known you just a week or two
but baby i’m so into you i can hardly breathe
and i’m in
so totally wrapped up
emotionally attracted
so physically active
so recklessly i need you
so desperately sure as the sky is blue
baby i love you
i love you

((((: my best bud in primary school loved this song. and she made me listen to it over and over again so i'd memorise the lyrics and i'd just keep singing it along with her though i dont see what's so nice bout the song, just cos' she's my best bud. hahaha.

okay. reality strikes, back to work.

happy 17th birthday twin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2005-05-02T22:33:00.000+08:00

yayyy! so my beloved twin's turning 17 in like less than two hours. catching up with her and the yuns yesterday was so good and comfy. (: darn. i miss ahs cheena culture tremendously. the days when id have a zillion blanks on my chi compo and id pass it around for the higher chinese people to fill em. the days when lying would call me xiaofeng and you siyan. no link. haha. stay cheena hor, yun and twin. heeee. still waiting for 12am to send my sms la.

and currently im so trapped in this emotional vortex. hahaha. i aint quite decided if i should weep or smile. shit. im supposed to do work. poof.

the day was fab with twin, plus the yuns. i love you guys so much. heee.

2005-05-02T01:23:00.000+08:00

and ive been trying to do some reflection these couple of days. i sincerely hope id place people, be it detestables or my beloveds above me. not that i wanna seem nice, cos i aint very like duh, but i just dont wanna say or do anything to hurt, and ultimately fill my own being with remorse. darn. im obviously far from perfection. but i can still try. heh. the world needs to be a more loving place. and everybody needs a second chance.

we've built houses for hatred
it's time we make a place where
people's souls can be seen and made safe
be careful with each other
these fragile flames
for innocence cant be lost
it just needs to be maintained.

ive my magic tape.

2005-04-30T18:30:00.000+08:00

so happy so happy!!! i just bumped into lam aijia!! woooooooots! and i went kang twins' place and out with em. so happy. heeee. meeting my twin and yun tomorrow night. so happy.

to finny bug. dont start looking in obituaries. im alive and kicking. pun intended. im joining soccer. hahahaha. so queer right fin. catch you around real soon okay.

((((((((:

van ssano saves the day!!!

2005-04-26T19:03:00.000+08:00

woah!! i love vanessa keng forever! she saved my life twice today! first from some car that could possibly smash my jaw somewhere, id die and people will be sad. and second, from myself who'd prolly smash my own jaw somewhere and still die, if not for vern's help.

omg. i still cant believe my luck. i left my stupid wallet behind on bus 42 know! went frantic totally. quite funny actually. i was trying to search for my wallet in the bag while walking home from the bus stop and i got so scared, i threw out everything in the bag on the walkway, ignoring stares. thank goodness vern stays near the 42 route la! i phoned and seeked that angel's help (or so she claims, to be my angel). so yayy! she managed to cycle down right away, get the same bus and recover my wallet from some passenger who found it. YAYYYY!! im so so so ((((: THANK YOU VERNIE!

blessed. (:

2005-04-24T15:24:00.000+08:00

talking more to mummy shall cause severe depression in the long run. therefore, i shall strive for the betterment of being a kid in deeds and just avoid communication with less guilt. mummy's day coming. i shall be a grateful kid. pathetic family matters. woooots. where's korkor.

that frown forever etched.

2005-04-24T00:39:00.000+08:00

it's such a painful fact to know she's down perpetually.

and she'd never know why i put on my daily pretense.

i abhor mathematics to the core

2005-04-23T00:48:00.000+08:00

period.

ophelia drowned in water, crashed by her own weight.

2005-04-20T20:30:00.000+08:00

first. humongous THANKS to my beloved vern and son for the tremendous care. i really needed the vern's correctly-sized-bag to hug, plus her pink panadol and son's ''you okay or not?" (be jealous! you fukete!!). and i slept in sick bay damn long. till teresa called at like 215pm. vern never collect me!! haha. (:

didnt sail anyway, the cramps went on and i felt like dying. woots. but at least dao ball was around with me in the powered boat!! :X sigh. i felt quite useless and extra there actually. hah. it's okie, i chose this route over the other, so id jolly well stick to it. things might start looking up. oh, and i bumped into a couple of tj sailors from ahs! woah! go ahs!

i just have the gut feeling tomorrow's gonna suck. and there's pt training which im prolly ponning, and though id feel pretty bad but afterall, ahem, it's my day somehow. and yes, tomorrow's really sucking cos she doesnt give a damn. forget it.

and i feel so dead still. so much unfinished work piling higher and higher. damnit. get a life, siyan. ahhhhh.

hitler loved lil blue eyed boys and it drove him to hate.

run away now, or stay now.

2005-04-18T00:21:00.000+08:00

down at national sailing centre to repair ten toppers.

dinner at taka. pasta. (:

nkf show live. the studio's smaller than i thought.

supps at lornie road or was it adam road.

the whole of today's fab thanks to wilson, my wonderous sailing khaki.

ive tonnes of school work undone. im so dead actually. there.

and our day approches.

2005-04-16T23:23:00.000+08:00

i miss sheila so. just so tempted to ring her up and hear her voice for awhile. eyy, apparently she has vanished into thin air. what fin said worried me slightly. the worried most part was when you said you think she might be dead. which is not meant to be funny or literally but my heart skipped a huge beat. really. i cant bear the thought of her non existence.

20th april.

2005-04-16T23:17:00.000+08:00

as the electronic fan's blades goes round and round, seamless,
i sat and watch a lil while in slight awe.

but i wonder if it'd mind if i turn on the airconditioner instead.

i think i might be crazy.

2005-04-12T18:35:00.000+08:00

or rather, ive been way off eons ago.

)))))):

2005-04-11T21:12:00.000+08:00

i wish my ahs darlings are less nerdy nuff to keep blogs so i can at least drop by and update myself on the 'of lates' instead of feeling so lost when they bombard me suddenly on msn or what with shocking stuff. and people like my twin has totally vanished. sigh. i miss ahsers. i havent visited dada in the hosp. it's like i dont even know what's wrong with her la. ): met glan awhile ago, why do i get the feeling im intimidating her? i wished she bugged me for an answer then id pour out all e crap in me to her but aye, apparently she aint too well herself. ): thanks to tsd la. stupid subj that changed her so drastically. i want my glan back! i should be glad she wont read this, if not sure tio whacked. and once again, where's like my sheila?? i wonder if she's still mad with me. okay, oh my. all these are pretty random. let's talk bout something more concrete. it's edwin's birthday in less than three hours. why is it more concrete, i do not know. obviously im on the verge of falling asleep and incoherenting however, it IS his birthday. like OH MY GOSH. it's edwin's birthday kinda thing more of. happy birthday to him, whether he reads or not but anyway, id see him tomorrow. yayy. kinda weird la, we sorta drifted but ultimately, i supposed ed, fin, sheila, glan and me are like forever kinda old buds. so fin, i wonder if you bug over us or if ive made you buggy this whole year of seperation from everyone but i strongly believe in our togetherness. you guys better all turn up on my birthday which is approaching. i love you all. (:

oh. calling for go-school-with-siyan from kem people. sigh. no more nel. i miss nel. poor me.

i think im sucha selfish crap sometimes.

i wonder if fukete feels better.? hugs.

where there's a man who has no voice, there ours shall go singing.

2005-04-10T23:24:00.000+08:00

i wanna learn sign language. and i love that merging thing they did. (:

understand my silence. i wanna be heard too.

to mew.

2005-04-10T12:02:00.000+08:00

and if we havent seen each other in a while, but you will always be my boo.

ahh. (:

feel the rain on your skin.

2005-04-08T22:57:00.000+08:00

da jie and an's taken away from us just like that. can i have the right to say wtf for once? it's totally not okay la. i wish we can take out any two ex a104ers and take our darlings back. i shall be doubly nice to an and da jie. you guys are always part of us, we're more than classmates all along really. i love a105 then!!

like what keng posted on her site, the new a105's just gonna make us miss the old one more. nostalgia just stuck seconds after walking in c2-2 la. and i told keng things aint the same anymore. ): ive not a clue how things are gonna turn out as time brings us through hectic college life together with the new and old people but i always believe that things are gonna be fine anyhow. so yeap, we'd just live on with what life throws at us as proper lessons commence. like what else can we do right. duh. can we sue the school for causing so much distress?

being out with da jie, fkt and son in town today's heavenly. hee. you guys make me smile just thinking of you guys know. awww. (: i love you guys. thanks for the long day together.

you are my sunshine, my only sunshine.. ):

all i ever wanted was everybody to be with everybody.

2005-04-07T20:25:00.000+08:00

a105's all i need really. im hoping damn hard we'd all be together forever and ever kinda thing.

damnit. im depressing already. ): please let the list be a false alarm.

why cant you do something?

2005-04-06T17:34:00.000+08:00

running running and running running.

just run, run.

armani rose butel.

2005-04-05T23:04:00.000+08:00

just got home from marina bay. bloated.

the trip was unplanned but owells! i got to see glanies, fin and ed, so i aint complaining. fin claims ive the sendmehomephobia. (: kait had her canoe tryout before that. and there was the a105's pigging at gelare before that, and there was that second lect of the day with a105 before that, and the lunch at ljs with a105 before that and that math lect with a105 and talk before that.

another happy day.

we'll fight, not out of spite. but someone must stand up for what's right.

2005-04-04T21:33:00.000+08:00

my hands are small i know, but they're not yours, they are my own. but they're not yours, they are my own and i am never broken.

these lyrics came vaguely into my mind, cant be bothered to check if they're right but yeah, ive adored jewel since i was a kid, thanks to my bro who was a fan. then again, im here to talk about basically the events of late. i dont get why the hell im blogging my life but yeah, id just get on with the happenings with less emo. i dont wanna sound like i need some psychiatric treatment like always.

sailing on sun was fab. sailed to changi beach from pasir ris beach. ate soggy mac fillet burger and hasbrown and alex, my brilliant sailing instructor's sandwiches. sailed back, running with the wind behind. tragedy struck shortly, spoiling the day slightly cos ive a wonderful bruise up my chin which people mistook it for all sorta stuff like ink, charcoal or whatever. hurts like shit. i shall narrate in summary. i capsized to swerved this turtled topper. cos i was running, daggerboard's way up, so it flew right out and whammed onto my head which in turn slammed my head down into the boom right on the jaw. go figure my pain. went tm with wilson after that. we ate, walked, eat somemore and yeah. like what else is there in tm. hah. and i wanna sail to coney island some day leh. it just sound cool to sail to some island. -.-

today's fun. dance dance dance. vern's more fab than sailing or anything. (: no link for comparison but heck. so yes, she went for aud, and im sure she'd do fine. my main concern's just that, dance's really the best alternative la, rather than joining some sport and hurt her toes like shit. so shucks, i dont have to fret over the toesy issues. hence, keep your fingers crossed! bitched around with rachel and kait and vern after the aud la. was fun. (: heh. and vern, rach and me had dinner. was equally fun. so as ive said. today's fun. =D wth. im just out of vocab la.

i refuse to be found. muaha. sheila's so killing me. forget it if it doesnt make sense. (: im still my happy girl. and senior's flying back in 3 days.

blind man on the corner, said it's simple, like flipping a coin. no matter what side it lands on, as long it's someone else's dime.

running running and running running.

2005-04-02T18:05:00.000+08:00

now duck.

is the coast clear? is the coast clear?
just get away, get away, away.
they're nearing!
run
run run

run run run run. no time to think. just run.
for how long i know not.

now duck.

vega has stormed the front, rose again to be the ONE.

2005-03-31T01:01:00.000+08:00

orientation II of 2005 has been a blast.

im so proud of vegans. really am. especially my darlings in v3. (: my only regret is that i dont get to play anything with my vega 3 due to the game i/c duties for all of em game events. yet during the short time we had together in the morn, after their games, and today, while i fully oversee them in their dance (oversee's bullshit really. they were fab on their own, i just stood watching in awe and pride.) bla bla bla... was so purely enjoyable. im really not an ogl all along, it's comfy just blending in as your friends, included in your nonsensical stuff and the honour of getting the trust cos them guys just complain or talk to me so freely. darn. orienatation ended just like that. i love vega three. think, the guys' cute dance and girls cheering for em. hee. you guys out there wont get it.

did i mention VEGA's the champs? AHHHH!

supper tonight was ultra laughy with fellow vega ogls.

2005-03-29T23:05:00.000+08:00

this hurt like crap.

i hate you siyan.

i dont know what it is that makes me feel like this.

2005-03-28T23:52:00.000+08:00

as requested by my beloved miss keng. i shall just post something to make her happier, after all, she IS one of my favourite people around in mjc. then again, ive plenty favourite people. =X but yet her place in my heart along with the rest of the hot cuties from a105 is humongous. in short, can i say i love a105 again? heck you who's sick of hearing me yak bout my wonderous class.

unidad de estrellas II
im in vega 3. (:

i love vega 3 really, ive set my heart on loving them anyhow. adorable la em. im proud to say i memorised like all the names and faces during icebreakers yet long after that, there's this few id mix up but never mind. my people rocks my orange socks today. i detested the zhao school people for the few mins i so painstakingly took attendance the tedious way to account for everyone though. like, at least tell someone something if you wanna pon right. then again, i shouldnt complain. screw ups on our parts anyway. boon claims i kept saying "sorry, my blunder." today. darn. im damn bloody blur. excellence. i need to be a duracell bunny tomorrow as well. i aint gonna disappoint myself again. and id hate that chao ah lian from X house forever. details look for me, i demo.

i aint feeling too great actually but i shant type anything depressing for fear id feel worse. besides, the plus signs in my life always exist. so id never be that down, or so i hope.

special thanks to my all time hottie, kaitian.

im desperately lacking rest. physical and psychological.

2005-03-22T23:46:00.000+08:00

even though im almost down and out. it's so comfy and free around sheila always. i was so tempted to just stay over her place for the night and skip school or something. her mummy complained bout me not going over for dinners. ahhh. so homely. im so dying exhausted.

our geylang tau hwee trip was successful anyway. rocher for tau hwee next time round.

a105.

2005-03-21T22:43:00.000+08:00

last day of school. but like what andi blogged, what school? hee. spending time slacking with a105 which includes stressing(HAHAHA. wanting sucks at it and im still on kaitian's side), pizza hutting, jalan jalan a lil was great. though i think i tend to be pretty quiet sometimes and start looking scary. but it's just me really, cant help im born with that intimidating look la. yes and so, im totally looking forward to a105 time on wednesday.

no school but yet im waking up at like 430am. shucks, i should be in bed. plans for tomorrow as follow. eat tau hwee at the infamous you tiao da wang place at geylang with sheila and head to aj to crash. then i'd prolly head home before her ogl meeting and sleep. i desperately need sleep, my zits are surfacing. sidetracked. okie. so basically that's it, though it's abit bothersome aj's like seven thousand miles away and she've pe tomorrow which implies 2.4km run. for the sake of a glimpse of her, all for the noble cause of love! my pursuit of the fair maiden shall not cease even as fate willed to tear our paths apart in jc.

what crap. im still unles, really.

imma shade darker. imma sailor. woots.

2005-03-20T22:12:00.000+08:00

but my motion sickness is annoying me greatly. im still rocking in my head. and standing on my hands did not work, not to mention, worsen it. thanks to ms keng's word of wisdom. oh yes. i hereby express my gratitude to all who good lucked me too. sailing went well. prolly cos the winds' exceedingly in our favour today. gets abit boring when there aint no wind and your boat just wont budge though you're in full run though. -.- i shouldnt complain la. damn tempted to jump in the water, capsize the boat or something cos it was so hot. i cant think straight really but basically i cleared the stuff i had to and yea. and i finally met some sp guy taking architecture(!!!) my age. one year older in fact. you must understand why this is so worth bringing up. my fellow classmates are >late 20s. i might go sailing on a reg basis as soon as i find my khakis.

when the sail luffs.

2005-03-19T13:53:00.000+08:00

ive sailing's theory and practical test tomorrow. i want my cert.

pray for me? (:

unidad de estrellas.

2005-03-18T23:56:00.000+08:00

adamant.
adj : not capable of being swayed or diverted from a course; unsusceptible to persuasion. Impervious to pleas, appeals, or reason; stubbornly unyielding.

i am adamant on restoring me. i cannot accept being all fatalistic and go on being crap. even if i cant figure stuff out now. id keep charging at it. go me go! (: im a changed person.

biking's always good. makes me feel less slack on training up. whizzed past quite a few mjcians and there was this group of mj j1 girls on the bus i totally dont recognise and mistook for some pri 6 kids till i heard em talk bout the ogl camp and bout sargas. and fin came up with the theory bladers are usually chio. ahem. yours truly is a blader. HAHAHA. it's slightly disturbing to watch sheila busying and tiring with trainings, competition, orientation etc her stuff. and i could only offer a hug which incurred a hard stare from some driver. bumped into tkgs cheryl (who claimed i fit the name joy. hee. which i believe to be totally not true) at the bus stop. it's a fab feeling to bump into people you know after a long day i dunno why. hail kembanganians. shucks, that sound damn silly but wheeee. she just moved to two bus stops away this jan. that rocks. im pooped and ive nothing else to say.

oh yes. posting's out on tue morn. (:

statuvolence.

2005-03-18T13:44:00.000+08:00

just feel like getting my butt on a bike now. cant wait to go riding with kelf later. (: for once, im not making you sound like a fish, rejoice. and shortly after id meet my pretty sheila jiejie for dinner. ahh. id even miss esther for the sake of that label. the good old days. (: digressed again. then eventually id head for cell. not too bad a day. i should be very happy with all i have.

i miss van really, im always your lorry. movie on mon with a105's gonna be awesome. =D

get over it, you moron.

2005-03-17T23:58:00.000+08:00

that was 17838510374 months ago.

eons eons!!

2005-03-17T21:28:00.000+08:00

im starting anew.

thunderous silence.

2005-03-15T23:43:00.000+08:00

so ogl camp's over.

was hell for me yet of course, i'm sure some stuff was picked up to better myself as an ogl but ultimately, i got pissed off quite bad today. yesterday was great, okay, it was at least okie though mmm, i did crap and was pretty disappointed but kyc not too bad with cheryl as a partner. all's well i guess. i need to force a smile on my face. seriously, i dunno why in the world i'm a game i/c when i hate noise, and now literally, i get people screaming into my face all the time. hell.

to conclude my orientation thoughts till now... vega will SQUEEZE the front, rise again and be the one. hee.

i was telling andi i'm missed a105 yesterday. i miss all your laughings so much. aaaaahhhhhhhhhh. imma a105 addict.

if you love a flower that lives on a star, it is sweet to look at the sky at night. all the stars are abloom with flowers.

2005-03-13T03:43:00.000+08:00

human beings gets increasingly multi-dimensional as we age. there's just too much in my head to grant me my night's sleep. shucks. i fear i'd miss sailing later.

stop thinking you tweeplorisher!

everything changes.

2005-03-13T02:27:00.000+08:00

everything indeed changes. it freaks me out so badly when she of all people changes. i'd get over it. wheeee. at least God Almighty changes not. not yesterday. not today. not forevermore. (:

and i finally got the shoubox and new skin up if you haven't already noticed.

Daddy God, did i grow up according to plans? ):

2005-03-10T20:00:00.000+08:00

i think im a terrible person really. wwjd. joyce was trying to get me to school but i insisted on ponning the first period. it was more difficult ignoring God's face rather than her plea. ive resumed the rebel i was totally this year know.. and my conscience's chilled, hardened, blackened, gone. times like this, when im reminded im actually carrying the name of Jesus, i feel like dodging, running, anything but throw my God's face. sigh. ):

and i was mean to van again. sigh. but anyway, i really hate to see you in this state, you seemed to have lost all laughter and smiles. my heart does ache, and i cant do anything bout it. im sorry bout the class talk incident, i shouldnt have lost it.

and i cant help locking my eyes on him and grinning like a moron when he's near. shoosh. i bet i looked so constipated trying to wipe that grin off my face when he looked my way. he's so hottttt. what a contrast to the previous two chunks of depressors but oh wells, he's not even a friend which is quite sad. im happy watching from a distance as of now though.

tomorrow's last a105 day. things might never be the same again. love you all sooooo. ):

fin is so adorable. MUAHAHA.

2005-03-09T22:41:00.000+08:00

tack. says:
hahaha. i love my sian look
[Kelv][Have you ever needed someone so bad][Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have][NP,here I come!] says:
that is a sian look?
[Kelv][Have you ever needed someone so bad][Have you ever wanted someone you just couldn't have][NP,here I come!] says:
i tot thats a "come-near-me-and-i'd-have-u-for-dinner" look

grey dreams of asphyxia.

2005-03-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

doom hovers over me
zealous for destruction
false hopes it creates
in its sardonic wait
ascairt of the prodigal child
the silhouette of my tainted soul

i blanch at the marks that
ceased existence up my arms
yet etched in my mind
the bloodied carved lines
ardent for a reappearance
mockery of my wretched being

all sense of life chills me
freak the shallow vacuum
nauseating obsession
i refuged beneath hypocrisy
scrape the superficial facade off me
the damnation of my dispensable existence

oppressed minds.

the grass's always greener on the other side.

2005-03-07T23:06:00.000+08:00

i should stop complaining bout my situation. it's nothing big but apparently ive never developed anything more than a tiny puny stress capacity. so i allow my school work to stack and be in a mess while i slack, dazed through lessons. and i abhor packed schedules. i need my sabbath rest man. ahhhhhhhhhh. im going nuts. okay, im so slacky but i dont know what the hell am i so stressed out bout. just cant wait for this week to pass me by. maybe it's just the aftermath of o's results still. i think i suck la. i honestly think i can do way better but what the hell la, siyan the bloody idiot slacked through life in ahs and she bloody deserves it. im speaking like korkor. slightly off but i do miss korkor soooo much even if im freaking petrified of his reactions when he eventually hear of how i did for o's. oh yes, daddy mummy darlings thought my results sucked as well and i was inevitably compared to my darling six pointer korkor.

things to be done by tonight: clean the room. pack the file. wash the hams.

events going on the rest of the week:
tue- ogls meeting with council at 5+.
wed- squash training.
thur- cell. sorry you gotta read this mic but it's a dread when it ends at 1030 with me drained.
fri- benny hinn conference.
sat- benny hinn conference.
sun- sailing.

tired tired tired of my cough and my hurting throat and that throbbing explosion in my head.
i marvel at my smiling shell and my screaming wails beneath going on simultaneously.

viola the sailor.

2005-03-07T00:06:00.000+08:00

sailing was............................chim.

my rigging sucks but i blame it on the ultra strong wind. arghh. on the brighter note. one of the instructor's quite cute. he actually smiled that teethy grin i give people to me. freaky. is this what you call karma? i gave him a weird stare and looked away anyway. yes. and im the youngest. all the rest are working adults. and i was damn afraid of the boom after hearing bout this woman who got hit by the boom and went into a 5 hr coma last month. and im sea sick. sitting now still feels like im rocking here and there. slightly giddy. ive lit play early morn tomorrow so that's it.

i salute all sailors from today on. it's freaking tiring.

my daymare of the o monster returns.

2005-02-27T22:04:00.000+08:00

was supposed to be out for badminton at noon. fin overslept, and i didn't wanna see the rest of them really, so i strolled back home and slept till 6+ and xia asked me out to dine. was really in a don't-wanna-move-an-inch-or-see-anyone state but that woman has manipulative powers over me somehow. so i dragged myself to bugis. (: i love sheila jang really. it's so awwwww to keep hearing her say she misses me. shucks. i'm gonna have to survive two years without her. and it doesn't help when she keep asking "you really don't wanna come aj ah?" personally, i'd prefer multiplying myself, and we'd have me at mj for van's sake, me at vj for glan's sake, me at aj for sheila's sake. oh crap. i fear tomorrow. i'd need someone to cry on, hug and i don't know what else i might do. God, i need You to hold me.

let my heart be stronger than my tears. (:

senior's attached!

2005-02-27T11:51:00.000+08:00

i shall dedicate this to them new couple. (:

yayy!! so happy happy happy. sweeeeeeeeet! ahahahahaha! you're one of the best seniors around senior, im so damn happy for you! okie! i think you got my point. i'm happy! i'm sure you're happier! wheeeeeeeeee. i love watching fairytales. and i love my senior and da sao. =D

and i'd be as happy when fin, mew, xia, twin etc gets attached.

no link. but oh well! my point is. I'M HAPPY FOR MY SENIOR. congrats!

(pardon my limited vocab as in the case of happy happy and happy.)

more than once bitten, i should have been very shy.

2005-02-26T21:57:00.000+08:00

congrats. you're such a success at making me feel like shit. i simply love how you treat me like dirt, unworthy of your level when i tried to make a conversation, and yes, please continue to ignore my presence. why did you even try to assure me it bothered you when i'm so sure it didn't, not a tad bit. i feel so hollow between us. there just ain't anything there, not even a shred of friendship. that's just so sad. and you won't bloody give a damn. i'm so dense sometimes.

i don't have to keep my distance, and you'll never catch my eye again.

happy birthday andi and melissa tan!

2005-02-25T22:28:00.000+08:00

been awhile since i've blogged any entry of a decent length. so yeap, here i go since it's a beautiful day.

i just woke up. to be more accurate, joanne soh called and woke me up. bleargh. it was alright though, i was having this nightmare. it weren't like monsters were after me or what but in the dream, i was just like getting by my daily life but my dad's dead. let's not go into that direction.

i crashed vjc, together with joanne ong. we had to sign in, and i was sarah ng of class 05s43 with a fake ic for the day in vj. damn ludicrous. and i had to hide from the stupid infamous mr tan who'd, according to everyone of my adorable pals, catch me for the slightly browned hair. and it's just so sweet all of them were like "siyan!!! you must siam from *whispers* tan (i didn't bother to remember what) leh!!" especially mq with her humongous eyes. attended bio lecture, slacked with zhini through. aye, bumped into plenty of anglicans and i felt so loved when they seemed so perked so see me and even some that don't really know me waved and smiled. i'm there to see glanies, xiaofeng, kang twins really. but i miss them already. ): it sounds dumb but i was pretty touched when zhini took my hand and put it against hers and say "i miss your small hand." arghh. i love all my anglicans so tremendously la! why are they all in vj or tj?! ):

waited for glan to finish school and we bused to craft to thin her hair, slept there. headed down to tm and just loitered a lil while to get what she had to get, snacked a lil, looked around a lil. i need to hang around with her more. i feel more sane, alive and free with her. hah, what a way to put it but yes. i still hope she'd come over mj though she wants me to go over vj if i can (which i prolly can't) it upsets me to hear twin say glan ng ain't happy in vj, smiles lil and all. damn you vj, what did you do to her la. she used to laugh so much. shucks, i want the best for her.

one more thing bout anglicans. i'm so amused by the christopher/krystle and malcolm/melissa story narrated by glan dear. it struck me how anglicans are so lesbianified even when the truth of the matter is, we're very straight. HAHAHA. i still can't believe what those two idiots did.

abit off but.
being out with a105 yesterday was fab. can we please still go out together even if we land up elsewhere and get an even perfecter class which has pretty slim chances? white chicking and spongebob were extra funny cos of you guys. possibly one or two more weeks before we've gotta split. ):

andi rung me up. guys can be such jerks.

i feel like writing.

2005-02-24T21:13:00.000+08:00

so i shall stop typing and go write something.

or not.

think of me, think of me fondly when we say goodbyes.

2005-02-22T01:02:00.000+08:00

sheila said hours ago that the reason why she likes phantom so much is prolly cos she watched it twice with me.

melts my heart.

today's good.

2005-02-21T20:56:00.000+08:00

just took my pic on daddy's phone and set it as wallpaper, took mom's phone and changed profile name to cute siyan. kawaii ne.

i love movies with van. (:

like the lazy ocean hugs the shore.

2005-02-19T21:37:00.000+08:00

i dont wanna blog ler.

sway with me.

i realised.

2005-02-19T21:28:00.000+08:00

i only see sheila once a week briefly.

aint nuff. ):

thank You Lord today for:

2005-02-17T19:32:00.000+08:00

vanessa lim.
you make my day everyday. thanks for accompanying me down ssc and the cow's cheer.

vanessa keng.
my chio bu on 17 feb 2005. i emphasize that im straight. so fear not.

kaitian.
you noticed i was pissed and stuck with me to see if im okay. so sweet la.

rest of a105.
you guys rock heaps la. I SO ADORE YOUUUUUU!!!!!! id hold close to my heart all these times together talking bout chuan liu bu xi, eye candies, etc.

cow who'd never know.
flop flop flop. i love the smile.

shortie who'd never know.
i love the stoned expression. dao people are sooo adorable.

im sailing in march. (:

vega will stomp the front, rise again and be the one.

2005-02-15T20:41:00.000+08:00

i abhor problem finders. for one thing, they think they're so cool to spot flaws and make plenty of noises bout them. am i a problem finder? kindly remind me to shut up if i ever fall into that very category. God, help me be a problem solver and more tolerant sometimes. i need a bigger heart.

vega's gonna rock mj.

(:

2005-02-14T22:24:00.000+08:00

you're so cold. chills my heart a lil. just a lil.

dispensables.

a two and a half hour phone talk with glan is always good.

2005-02-14T01:33:00.000+08:00

my ear hurts from the radiation and i fear my brain cells are zapped up and halved. but i realised i miss glan ng so terribly much la. the rest i can see in church and cell, but she's one busy woman who can only manage to keep her fridays free. and she says she'd think of me for her friday schedule fillers. (:

gosh. college life has changed us all. she has, as have i. but glan will always remain my idol, my wonder woman who's a mighty problem solver for me especially when i screw things up which i often did, she listens to me yak bout every single thing that bothers me, that amuses me, that's bout me literally la and she can yak bout every single thing that's in her life, how's she emo-ing and all. i love this zero distance. aye. precious precious. i love glanies ng kaili. and i still secretly hope she'd abandon her vj netball team and join me in mj and we'd go be sailors. life's gonna be sweeter with her around. nay, i'd try not to be too greedy though i'd love her here.

sidetrack.
happy vday to all couples in BGRs, BBRs, or GGRs. im still upset my chio friends aint asked out for dates. it's all thanks to you guys GGRs rates are on the rise. asked a couple of guys why never ask girls out, i get people like darling siewwwww senior saying he's got important things to do. boo to your jackflash. and i'm having my vday dinner with vanessa. how hip. i'm straight, really.

i dont wanna even have the slightest negative feelings towards you but i really give up.

Jesus, i give You all. all that i am is Yours.

2005-02-13T20:34:00.000+08:00

Here is my life, Lord Jesus
All i have i give to You
You're my God and my Saviour
You make all things new

My life is on the altar
I give my heart to You
In You i've found my purpose
My reason for living is You

You are my source and my salvation
Nothing compares to You
All of my days, i long to know You more
Holy Spirit pour down like water
I'm hungry for Your touch
Each breath i take
I give my all to You

Your words are life eternal
To whom do i go besides You
My dreams and my desires
I lay them at Your feet

help me be a better and bigger person, Father. ive been terrible. ):

the giant in me.

2005-02-13T00:47:00.000+08:00

i love my van van. happy vday in advanced. your lorry loves you forever. and YOU'RE BACK!! we'd have another crash on monday. HUGS. and yes, I LOVE NEL TOO!! but aye, i cant les with you too much. you're like a more serious jiejie to me. i love you both la! honest! (:

i love You Jesus!

05a105

2005-02-12T01:11:00.000+08:00

vanessa's entry almost made me teared. bah. from the bottom of my heart, i adore 05a105. it's just so wonderously warm and cosy and aye, you get the point. i mean. it feels like we totally belong together and we'd live happily ever after together forever and ever and ever. i dread the end of february. i dont ever wanna get back my results and step into that overwhelming moment where the stupid piece of posting slip's gonna determine who's actually leaving the family. i love all of you guys really. even if i dont talk much in class and stuff, but it's just such a fabulous feeling, sitting back and watch all of you smile, laugh, smile, laugh, smile, laugh, smile, laugh. it's like awwwww. (: happy family. of course. there's ocassional franklin and so hockey's talks that get us all a lil worked up. fine, maybe me especially and a couple others and drop the ocassional, it's literally five days/week. still, i get to sit back and grin at leyi's rebuttals to franklin and watch vanessa's tremendous eye rolling performance (that wendy's so infatuated with, i cant figure why) now and then, etc. linkless, but i just wanna add that andi always seem to have a halo hovering over her. she's so adorably nice la. and i think kaitian gotta smile more. im incoherenting cos it's way past bedtime and im really pooped. in all. 05a105's full of sweeties.

I LOVE 05A105 TO BITS!!!!!!!

halcyons.

2005-02-11T21:44:00.000+08:00

i feel that i need to raise myself up to a new level of high. not that i was even that tad bit high all along. shucks. i love being around those hyped up 24/7 people really. they just keep me grinning at their energy, vibrance and all. and what's cute is that even on blogs, they can bring out that same joyous hysteria with the many !!! and CAPITALISED and bold stuff, i could almost hear the screen scream out the contents literally with their voices. so ive decided to stop being so passively dead. id shriek, holler, laugh and giggle alot from now. okay, maybe not. but basically, im really not any shy crap la. im loud when the ocassion calls for it, or when i get pissed. back to the ardent bunch, 05a105 takes the cake. they're such laughing machines, it's just amazing watching them laugh non-stop all day. pure fun to be with. i loveeeeeeee them so! life in mjc would never be such pleasurable craze if not for each of you guys. dont leave after results are out.... please? ):

random crap. i think im really easily amused.

(:

2005-02-11T19:40:00.000+08:00

my blog moved from yanz.blogspot to here. apparently, i ceased blogging but changed my mind. fickle socks! yeap. so please, those who linked me up previously, delete that link cos the old blog belongs to someone else. thank you kind people.

bye.